Friday, April 30, 2010

Well Shoot

Mother's Day, it will be here before we know it.  I miss my Mom and I suspect I will the rest of the days of my life.  She didn't like me or so it seemed to me and my sister-in-law confirmed that and further told to stay away from Mom.  I didn't stay away and Mom and I became best of friends.  The last 20 years of her life we went to breakfast and shopping nearly every Saturday.  I am glad I didn't let my ego come between us because I am so blessed to have been friends with Mother.

The flip side of Mother's Day is Adam, my oldest son and middle child.  I don't recall the last time he spoke to me on Mother's Day.  I would guess 20 to 25 years ago. He chose to go the route of drugs and alcohol.  After numerous hospitalizations I was advise to kick him out.  He had quit school and was 18 so out he went.  It killed me to do that but I was told it was the only way to send Adam a "wake up call".  I have only seen him a few times since that day.  He used to call once in awhile homeless and needing money.  The last time he called for money I told him that I am broke and have nothing left to give.  He has never called me again.

And so on Mother's Day I wish and I wait.  I wish I could call my Mom.  I wait for calls from my children.  Trisha usually calls me first.  Jim almost always calls in the afternoon, if he is able.  And I wait for my beautiful son Adam to call me.  And I cry because the phone doesn't ring.  But once again, this year, I will wait and I will hope.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tonight Will Be Dark

And tomorrow will light.  That is about the only thing I am sure of today!  I said I am writing everyday... Well, what the heck was I thinking?  I have nothing.  So, gratitude will have to do!

Today I am grateful for:

1.  The new woman at my noon meeting.  She is my age, had oxygen tubing marks on her face like mine and just for today she wanted to go to bed without drinking!  It was her second meeting and she drank in between that one and today.  "Oh well", I told her, "That was yesterday and today is today.  That is all we've got."  I am glad I know that and could pass it on.

2.  I am so happy I do not have to be the leader of the pack today.  I love sitting back and letting the other egos do all the heavy lifting.  I'll make coffee, it keeps "Ole Slick" off my back.

3.  Finding an old friend on Facebook from the beginning in 1984.  We were at the same meetings and same tables until he moved from Adrian.  I love the things we shared back then.  When our friend Bullet was hospitalized many years ago, he drove down to Adrian to get me.  He took me to Ypsi to visit Bullet.  To me it is no wonder he is still sober today.  He is one of the miracles that was there so I could be here.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My Kids and the Legend of Zelda

I have two kids that are part of my life, my daughter Trisha and my son, James.  They both have showered me with love, gifts and tears.  I love them both very deeply.  This story is about old gifts from my daughter and new lessons learned.

I first became addicted to games when the Atari came out.  Then a few years later, I found my true love RPG's.  The Legend of Zelda was released for play on the original Nintendo.  Jim and I spent hours playing that game.  I could figure things out and he could kill stuff.  We found ground to share when he was a young preteen and teenager.  I couldn't afford to buy the game so we rented it on the weekend.  I was horribly angry when someone erased my game and I was inconsolable if it wasn't available.

Trisha and her family knew my addiction to games from Zelda all the way through the years to World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy XI.  She and her family bought me these great t-shirts as gifts.  One has a picture of Zelda sword raised and inscribed "Legend in Progress".  Another has a picture of the original Nintendo inscribed "Classically Trained".  There are many more.  I wear these shirts only once in a great while as I don't want them to wear out.

I was searching through the closet I keep them in and thought, Heck I'm going to wear out before these shirts do.  Ah-Ha!  They went straight to the laundry and I am wearing a different one every day.  I have now taken all the good  stuff out and I am using everything I have been saving.  I am even taking my beautiful Mother's ring they bought me to be re-sized.  I have had it locked in a safe for many years.  It is way past time for me to enjoy all the things in my life.  After all, all I have here is today.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Worms in my Refrigerator

I like to fish or maybe I like thought of being able to fish, I don't know.  Anyhow, I went and bought a new rod, reel, tackle box and worms.  I put all my new fishing gear in my room and the worms in the frig.  Worms are always kept in the refrigerator, according to my Dad.  That action brought about a memory of my Grandma D.

Grandma D. had a cabin in the northern lower peninsula of Michigan.  We vacationed there every July.  By we I mean my parents and my brothers and sister.  I loved "the cabin".  It was back 45 years ago and we were one of the very few cabins on the lake.  There was literally a one lane path leading back through the woods to the cabin.  I loved it there and many of my fondest memories are from our times there.

Anyhow, Dad would take Don (my brother) and I fishing.  We went everyday, twice a day some days.  And when I didn't get to go in the boat I fished off the dock.  It was really cool because at the end of the dock the lake had drop off and it was very deep and dark.  You could catch as many or more fish from the dock as you could from the boat.  When not fishing, we went digging for worms.  We kept the worms in an old Crisco can in the refrigerator.

My Grandma was a lady.  She always reminded me of the Queen of England, a proper lady.  You can see where this is going... She went to fix popcorn for us one night.  Got out the "Crisco" and, you guessed it, worms went flying all over the cabin.