Getting gifts from my Higher Power is always great but the one I got this time is beyond my dreams. I know the gifts were always there but anger and fear blinded from seeing them. It seems the more I thank "HP", the more I am able to see and the more I receive. As with everything in my life, that too is cyclical. And as with everything in my life, more is being revealed to me.
I always thought I had lost my childhood memories. Years of abuse from my parents and years of self-inflicted abuse left me immobilized by my own self-loathing. I thought I was worthless, unloved and incapable of loving. Little by little my program taught me otherwise. Doing a fourth and fifth step helped me see where I was the problem. It also allowed me freedom to grow beyond my wildest dreams. I was able to love and to be loved. I have been to my dad's grave and forgiven him. My mother and I talked about "it" before she died. Mom will always be in my heart as a "best friend".
I know my childhood had to have good no matter how dark because I wasn't completely lost. I just could not remember any good. So I prayed on it. I did a first step on my childhood, so to speak. And then, as the old song goes, "Along Came Sally". In birth order Sally is our maternal grandmothers' oldest granddaughter and I am next. I grew up with Grandma near me in Michigan, Sally lived in California. Sally's other grandmother lived in Michigan as well. The Grandmothers were friends and I had a relationship with both of Sally's grandmas. Sally's mother is the oldest of three sisters and my mom is the youngest.
It started innocently, I found Sally on Facebook and emailed her. She emailed me back! I told her I didn't know anything about her sibs and kids. We emailed that information back and forth and on it goes. We have shared childhood memories, some I had completely forgot. We have shared information about ourselves and our families. I cannot wait for new emails and hate when I get busy and cannot respond right away.
When I write her I start writing "my dad did this or that". Then I stop and think, she doesn't need to know that. So, I erase and redo. That process has allowed me to "re-frame" my childhood. To completely free myself of the darkest thoughts and find the good. Thank you HP for one of the most precious gifts I have ever received! They say, "when the student is ready". I am here to tell you for me that is the truth and her name is Sally!