Belonging and longing

Some days I still feel like a square peg in a round hole.  I wished things were different but I cannot change some of the things about me.  This isn't your business, so leave me alone.  No, please don't leave me alone.  My head is such a mess.  Yet people praise me and thank me and want to hear my story.  I got nothing to give you.  I am all used up.  I'm tired.

Pity pot?  Maybe but I am different from you.  When people find out who I really am, they run away.  I have seen it happen time and time again.  You want to know why I don't get close to anyone?  It is because I am scared of pain and rejection.  Most reject me because of who I am.  Some reject me because people tease them for being my friend.  It is the truth in my world.  It is my reality.  I am getting too old to play these junior high school games.

So, I sit here alone.  People ask me to lunch, dinner, meetings where ever but I always smile and say, no thanks not today.  Because I know we would get close.  Then you would find out about me and leave.  I am one of God's kids, too you know.  And I do have feelings.  One of my nieces' has on her profile, "I yam what I yam."  Hell yeah, so am I.