Friday, May 14, 2010

Where in the World is Adam?

I follow several other blogs.  One in particular I really enjoy is, An Addict in Our Sons Bedroom.  They wrote a piece on the blame game to which I replied:

Over twenty years ago and after 3 or 4 treatment centers I kicked my oldest son out. I have only seen him 2 or 3 times. He stopped calling me years ago when I told him no more money. I miss him terribly everyday. I do not know if he is even alive. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier if he were dead. Coulda, woulda, shoulda were my constant companions. I sometimes would wonder if I quit before the miracle happened. In all my meetings, in both fellowships, I have never heard anyone give thanks to their Higher Power, whom they choose to call "Mom & Dad". I know it is out of my hands but every once in awhile I wonder, "If only I (fill in the blank)". Those are the days I help a friend, go to a meeting or call my sponsor. Sometimes all three! It has gotten easier but the pain is still deep.

Yes the pain is still there like a sore that won't go away.  A cancer in my soul. I really do hate alcoholism (and all addictions).  My family is riddled with alcoholics and drug addicts.  For my children (and my grandchildren) that meant/means just add alcohol and find out if you are or not.  It is a very dangerous, life threatening game I would suggest they not play.  Alcohol and drugs will rape, rob and beat you to near death.   Like the song goes, "Everything you love starts to disappear, the devil takes your hand and says, no fear have another shot just one more beer"- Kenny Chesney.

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