I skipped the meeting today. Some days I just don't want to play and I think that is alright. What I am struggling with is, I resigned as GSR. I have done a ton of service work in the last years and I wish to step down. I feel a bit guilty as there is no one that will do the job. I could blame a ton of stuff, like we haven't had a business meeting since before the last quarterly assembly. It is time for another Area Assembly.
The real reason is hard for me to admit. I am scared. I am not young and dumb any more. Where the hotels are, is huge and very busy. The people on the corners are not passing out church literature. It is a very scary area. Besides my overnight bag, I have a huge oxygen concentrator to haul around. And I am on my own, alone.
Accepting my limitations and disabilities has been very hard on me. I was always the strong one. I raised the kids alone, worked, cleaned house, cooked the meals, mowed the yard, PTA and Scouts. When I came into the twelve step world I jumped into service work with both feet. Now I can no longer make promises my body and mind cannot keep.
It all makes me very sad. The damage I have done to my body with cigarettes and booze is catastrophic. I always joked about my addictions. 'It takes the years off my life I don't want to be here for anyhow." I would quip. But oh yes, I want to live many more years. I want to laugh, love and listen to the music.